(Humourous Article)
Ravi and Rani had very happy twenty three years of their lives. After that they met and married. They felt incomplete until they married. After that they felt that they were finished. Both of them had reasons to blame the other for the problems…
Ravi didn’t have a clue about what real happiness was until he got married. But then it was already too late for him. Rani got upset quickly even on small matters. At that time a simple “Calm down” in his soothing voice was enough to get her more upset.
He learnt many bitter truths within a year of their marriage and he wrote them in a diary on their first wedding anniversary day. He wrote:
1) Women have more imagination than men. But they need men to tell daily how wonderful they are.
2) Women have a number of faults. Men have only two – everything they say and everything they do.
3) Any married man should forget his mistakes – it’s no use two people remembering the same thing.
4) A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
5) Arguing with wife is a lot like trying to read the Terms of Use on the internet. In the end you just give up and go to “I Agree”.
Rani read the diary and their house was like a battlefield for a whole week. One day Ravi confessed to his friend, “I seriously wanted to throw my wife in pond of crocodiles in the zoo”
His friend asked, “What prevented you?”
Ravi said thoughtfully, “I do not want to be harassed by Animal Rights Activists in a court of law for being cruel to the crocodiles! Don’t you remember Salman Khan’s case?”
Another day he asked his friend, “Do you know why our law doesn’t permit a man to have two living wives?”
His friend didn’t know. He asked “Why?”
Rave said solemnly, “Because our law protects us against cruel and extreme punishment.”
One day Rani was complaining to her husband that only women are capable of doing more than one thing at a time and how unfair that was.
Ravi told her to just shut up her mouth and walk away.
As he expected, she couldn’t manage to do either of that and a new quarrel started immediately.
Rani soon found out that Ravi had neither steady jobs nor money. She said to him, "If I’d known you were this much poor, I’d never have married you."
He pointed out, "Don’t pretend I didn’t warn you! How many times did I tell you that you’re everything I have?"
Rani equally hated many of his character traits especially his laziness, drinking habit and the way he spoke. Soon she found out that her husband’s every sentence had entirely different meaning.
His "Can I help with dinner?" really means.... "Why isn't it already on the table?"
His "You don’t understand me." really means.... "Why can’t you just believe my lies, fool"
His "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind." really means.... "Who cares your nonsense dear"
His "That's interesting, dear" really means.... "Are you still talking?"
His "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love" really means.... "I forgot your birthday again."
Trying to get rid of his laziness Rani made Ravi to do many household works. Ravi refused to do the works citing health reasons. So she sent him to a doctor. After taking some tests the doctor asked, “Do you and your wife share the same blood group?”
Ravi said bitterly, “It could be so, by now. She’s been sucking my blood for years.”
Doctor asked, “Do you play dangerous sports?”
Ravi said thoughtfully, “Well, sometimes I talk back at my wife”
Ravi told the doctor that he’s incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used to do. He said, “You have taken all tests, Doctor. Can you tell in plain English what’s wrong with me?”
“Well, in plain English,” said the doctor, “you’re just lazy.”
Ravi nodded. “Now Doctor, give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”
Ravi’s drunken habit worsened and he lost his job. Unable to tolerate, Rani left the house with children and went to her parents’ house. Ravi became very sad. Pondering over the situation he noticed a crate of whisky bottles and walked toward it.
He took out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing, "You are the reason I don’t have my wife with me".
He threw second bottle, saying "You are the reason I don't have my children with me"
Smashing third bottle, he said "You are the reason I lost my job".
He noticed the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of whisky.
He took the bottle, put it aside and said "Stand aside my dear friend, I know you were not involved....”
Unable to stay in parents’ house permanently Rani returned with her children. But she and children began treating him harshly for his every wrong behaviour. They didn’t allow him drink liquor inside the house. Eventually he changed his ways to some tolerable level because of their dominance and found a job.
After a few years he fell seriously ill and admitted in hospital. He called Rani, their son and daughter to his side. He asked for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder to record his last wishes. When all were ready he began to speak:
"My son, I want you to take the R.S.Puram and Saibaba Colony bungalows”
"My daughter, you take all the apartments in Race Course”
"Rani, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings and shop complexes in Town Hall and Big Bazaar area”
The nurse who heard that and two witnesses were blown away as they could not believe about his extensive holdings.
The nurse said appreciatively to Rani, “Madam, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property.”
Rani replied contemptuously, “The jackass was lastly a newspaper delivery man and he was telling us to take the paper routes."
- N.Ganeshan
(This humourous article won second prize in our Bank Magazine’s last contest)
Ravi and Rani had very happy twenty three years of their lives. After that they met and married. They felt incomplete until they married. After that they felt that they were finished. Both of them had reasons to blame the other for the problems…
Ravi didn’t have a clue about what real happiness was until he got married. But then it was already too late for him. Rani got upset quickly even on small matters. At that time a simple “Calm down” in his soothing voice was enough to get her more upset.
He learnt many bitter truths within a year of their marriage and he wrote them in a diary on their first wedding anniversary day. He wrote:
1) Women have more imagination than men. But they need men to tell daily how wonderful they are.
2) Women have a number of faults. Men have only two – everything they say and everything they do.
3) Any married man should forget his mistakes – it’s no use two people remembering the same thing.
4) A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
5) Arguing with wife is a lot like trying to read the Terms of Use on the internet. In the end you just give up and go to “I Agree”.
Rani read the diary and their house was like a battlefield for a whole week. One day Ravi confessed to his friend, “I seriously wanted to throw my wife in pond of crocodiles in the zoo”
His friend asked, “What prevented you?”
Ravi said thoughtfully, “I do not want to be harassed by Animal Rights Activists in a court of law for being cruel to the crocodiles! Don’t you remember Salman Khan’s case?”
Another day he asked his friend, “Do you know why our law doesn’t permit a man to have two living wives?”
His friend didn’t know. He asked “Why?”
Rave said solemnly, “Because our law protects us against cruel and extreme punishment.”
One day Rani was complaining to her husband that only women are capable of doing more than one thing at a time and how unfair that was.
Ravi told her to just shut up her mouth and walk away.
As he expected, she couldn’t manage to do either of that and a new quarrel started immediately.
Rani soon found out that Ravi had neither steady jobs nor money. She said to him, "If I’d known you were this much poor, I’d never have married you."
He pointed out, "Don’t pretend I didn’t warn you! How many times did I tell you that you’re everything I have?"
Rani equally hated many of his character traits especially his laziness, drinking habit and the way he spoke. Soon she found out that her husband’s every sentence had entirely different meaning.
His "Can I help with dinner?" really means.... "Why isn't it already on the table?"
His "You don’t understand me." really means.... "Why can’t you just believe my lies, fool"
His "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind." really means.... "Who cares your nonsense dear"
His "That's interesting, dear" really means.... "Are you still talking?"
His "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love" really means.... "I forgot your birthday again."
Trying to get rid of his laziness Rani made Ravi to do many household works. Ravi refused to do the works citing health reasons. So she sent him to a doctor. After taking some tests the doctor asked, “Do you and your wife share the same blood group?”
Ravi said bitterly, “It could be so, by now. She’s been sucking my blood for years.”
Doctor asked, “Do you play dangerous sports?”
Ravi said thoughtfully, “Well, sometimes I talk back at my wife”
Ravi told the doctor that he’s incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used to do. He said, “You have taken all tests, Doctor. Can you tell in plain English what’s wrong with me?”
“Well, in plain English,” said the doctor, “you’re just lazy.”
Ravi nodded. “Now Doctor, give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”
Ravi’s drunken habit worsened and he lost his job. Unable to tolerate, Rani left the house with children and went to her parents’ house. Ravi became very sad. Pondering over the situation he noticed a crate of whisky bottles and walked toward it.
He took out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing, "You are the reason I don’t have my wife with me".
He threw second bottle, saying "You are the reason I don't have my children with me"
Smashing third bottle, he said "You are the reason I lost my job".
He noticed the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of whisky.
He took the bottle, put it aside and said "Stand aside my dear friend, I know you were not involved....”
Unable to stay in parents’ house permanently Rani returned with her children. But she and children began treating him harshly for his every wrong behaviour. They didn’t allow him drink liquor inside the house. Eventually he changed his ways to some tolerable level because of their dominance and found a job.
After a few years he fell seriously ill and admitted in hospital. He called Rani, their son and daughter to his side. He asked for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder to record his last wishes. When all were ready he began to speak:
"My son, I want you to take the R.S.Puram and Saibaba Colony bungalows”
"My daughter, you take all the apartments in Race Course”
"Rani, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings and shop complexes in Town Hall and Big Bazaar area”
The nurse who heard that and two witnesses were blown away as they could not believe about his extensive holdings.
The nurse said appreciatively to Rani, “Madam, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property.”
Rani replied contemptuously, “The jackass was lastly a newspaper delivery man and he was telling us to take the paper routes."
- N.Ganeshan
(This humourous article won second prize in our Bank Magazine’s last contest)
