Are you looking for perfection?

One afternoon, Mulla Nasruddin and his friend were sitting in a cafe, drinking tea and talking about life and love. His friend asked: “How come you never married?”

“Well,” said Nasruddin, “to tell you the truth, I spent my youth looking for the perfect woman. In Cairo I met a beautiful and intelligent woman, but she was unkind. Then in Baghdad, I met a woman who was a wonderful and generous soul, but we had no common interests. One woman after another would seem just right, but there would always be something missing. Then, one day, I met her. Beautiful, intelligent, generous and kind. We had very much in common. In fact, she was perfect!”

“What happened?” asked Nasruddin’s friend, “Why didn’t you marry her?”

Nasruddin sipped his tea reflectively. “Well,” he replied, “it’s really the sad story of my life…. It seemed she was looking for the perfect man…”

Seeking perfection is good when we seek it in us. It makes us to develop ourselves more and more. It motivates us to make more and more improvements. But when we seek it in others it results in perpetual misery. As Mulla Nasruddin found, the other people also could expect the same kind of perfection from us. It paves the ways to endless conflicts.

Some times perfection seems to be a mere idea people form in their mind. So one’s idea of perfection may not be the idea of perfection to other. And rigid perfection-seeking is a great obstacle in finding the small pleasures of daily life.

Alexandra Stoddard offers a more Zen-like approach in her book, The Art of the Possible: The Path from Perfectionism to Balance and Freedom. She suggests looking for "perfect moments" to savor in our day rather than chasing a perfect life. "Those perfect moments lift us up and delight us," she says. "But if the focus is perpetual perfection, there is no peace."

Glatzer, who considers herself a recovering perfectionist, adds, "I had to learn to say 'so what?' sometimes. So what if my hair wasn't perfect? So what if I got somewhere late or had to leave a little early? I had to give myself permission to be imperfect. That freed me up to be more of a real human being."

Remember her wise observation. Sometimes allow yourself and others the freedom to be imperfect in little things of life. Learn to ask “So what?” In this way you can find more peace in life.

N.Ganeshan

Ten Steps to goal

Most of us have goals in our life. But most of them are vague and confusing. So they are not easily reachable. We struggle year after year. But the progress is not equivalent to our struggles. Very often the reason lies in the way of our setting the goals. How to set goals perfectly? - Dr. Philip E. Humbert explains very clearly in this article. Read and set your goals. Surely you will reach your goals....

N.Ganeshan


The Top 10 Steps to Set and Achieve Your Goals - Every Time!

It’s been said that everyone has goals, whether we know it or not. We have goals to keep our current job, or to get a different one. We have goals to save for the future, or to travel, take a vacation, or purchase the things we need and want to make our lives more enjoyable. An important distinction, however, is that top achievers are very intentional and focused on their goals, while many of the rest of us are not.

Top achievers know that the wording, structure, timing and format of a goal can make it’s achievement much easier – or far more difficult. Top achievers understand the basic skills for setting and reaching their goals, every time! They know how to design goals that create success. Here are the 10 most important steps to set and achieve your goals:

1. Reachable goals are SPECIFIC. Top achievers know that to reach their goals, the brain must know exactly, precisely, what they are trying to accomplish. Never word a goal with vague terms like “some” or “a little bit”, or “more”. Be specific! If you want to lose 8 pounds and reach a weight of 175, specify those exact numbers. If you want to save $200 this month, be exact. Your brain can help you accomplish almost anything if it knows precisely what you are aiming for.

2. Reachable goals are SIMPLE. Many people describe their goals in complex terms of retiring on the beach in Hawaii, with nice cars and lots of money, and…. Their list goes on and on. Any ONE of those things is a great goal, but the combination becomes over whelming and the brain gets confused. If you want to retire in Hawaii, just say so! If you want to increase your sales by 10% this month, say so! Keep your goals simple, clear, and focused.

3. Reachable goals are SIGNIFICANT. No one can muster the enthusiasm, hard work and courage to reach a goal they don’t really care about. A reachable goal is one you really, really, REALLY want! It’s something that will change your life, enhance your health or wealth, and make you proud. It gets your juices flowing, gets you up in the morning, and keeps you going all day long, because it is important! Set goals that are worth achieving!

4. Reachable goals are STRATEGIC. High achievers know that the best goals accomplish many great outcomes, all at one time. Running a 10K race will almost certainly: 1) feel great! 2) help you lose weight. 3) lower your cholesterol level 4) strengthen your heart 5) lower you risk of heart disease 6) increase your energy and stamina, and 7) improve your outlook. Design your goals to strategically impact as many areas of your life as possible. You’ll have more reasons to reach your goal and more excitement when you do!

5. Reachable goals are MEASURABLE. A goal without a measurable outcome is just a pipe-dream. You can’t achieve a pound of “happiness” or 6 inches of “self-esteem”, but you CAN get a new job. You CAN run a mile in under 7 minutes, or do 100 sit-ups. Someone has wisely observed that, “What gets measured, gets done.” Define your goals in terms of height, weight, dollars, inches, or hours. Then measure your progress until you achieve your desired outcome.

6. Reachable goals are RATIONAL. To reach your goal, you will need a plan, a path, and a vehicle for getting there. Your goals must make sense! When you explain them to friends and family, your goals should create excitement, draw support, and encouragement. Your goals should be just out of reach, but not out of sight! You want to stretch to be your best, not strain after impossible dreams. Set goals you CAN and WILL achieve!

7. Reachable goals are TANGIBLE. Choose goals that you can see, hear, smell or touch. Go for things you will enjoy and that you can clearly visualize. The brain has hard time going for “financial security”, but it can visualize a bank statement with nice, large numbers on it! Define your goals in terms that excite the senses, then go for it with all your heart!

8. Reachable goals are WRITTEN. High achievers always know precisely what they want, because they’ve written it down. Often, they write a short description of their goals every single morning, as a personal reminder of their priorities and their objectives. The act of writing your goals down vastly increases your chance of success. Write it down! Then, keep your notes where you can see and read them every day.

9. Reachable goals are SHARED. We are far more likely to stick to our plan and reach our goals if we know our friends and family support us. Being part of a team increases our determination, our stamina, and our courage. Caution: Never share your goals with anyone who may ridicule, tease or discourage you! The world is full of doubters and you have no time for them. But, find a support team, a group of cheerleaders, and a coach who will encourage you every step of the way. High achievers count on and work with other winners!

10. Reachable goals are CONSISTENT WITH YOUR VALUES. One of the biggest reasons people fail to achieve their goals is that they have conflict between their behavior and their values. However, when your values and your goals are in agreement, there is no stopping you! Clarify your values first, then set simple, specific, measurable, tangible, written goals that are consistent with those values. You will achieve them, every single time!


- Dr. Philip E. Humbert

REAL LOVE

We all want to feel loved. We think about it, hope for it, fantasize about it, go to great lengths to achieve it, and feel that our lives are incomplete without it. The lack genuine love is the cause of most of our anger and frustration. It is no exaggeration to say that our emotional need for love is just as great as our physical need for air and food.

Most of us have been taught since childhood to do without Real Love and to settle instead for giving and receiving conditional love. Our misconceptions of unconditional love began in early childhood, where we saw that when we did all the right things—when we were quiet, obedient and good—people loved us. They smiled at us and spoke in gentle tones. But we also saw that when we were “bad,” all those signs of “love” instantly vanished. In short, we were taught by consistent experience that love was conditional, that we had to buy “love” from the people around us with our words and behavior. But, what is real love?

Real Love is "I care how you feel." Conditional love is "I like how you make me feel." Conditional love is what people give to us when we do what they want, and it's the only kind of love that most of us have ever known. People have liked us more when we made them feel good, or at least when we did nothing to inconvenience them. In other words, we have to buy conditional love from the people around us.
It's critical that we be able to distinguish between Real Love and conditional love. When we can't do that, we tend to settle for giving and receiving conditional love, which leaves us empty, unhappy, and frustrated.

Real Love is caring about the happiness of another person without any thought for what we might get for ourselves. Real love means love without condition. It means giving love without expecting anything in return, including any reciprocal love. It’s also Real Love when other people care about our happiness unconditionally. It is not Real Love when other people like us for doing what they want. It is not about desire and possession; it is about appreciation and concern.

So there is a world of difference between conditional and unconditional love. So much so, that one cannot be sure that conditional love can be love at all. "If you loved me, then you would..." isn't love, but rather manipulation. If someone asks us to do or say something that isn't in our nature, that isn't true love. The one, who puts conditions upon their love, holds a manipulative power rather than a sacrificial love that costs them something. The one who invest all in a relationship, holding nothing back, and loving unconditionally will experience a love greater than the one who maintains conditions. Regardless of whether the love is unrequited or requited, the unconditional lover knows real love because they give all.

In contrast, a conditional love, if it could be called love at all, would be one without trust and perseverance. One that is easily withdrawn when anger ensues and where wrongs are recorded. It is not one that rejoices in truth, but one built on fear. A conditional love has elements of real love, but it is perverted and distorted and needs to be released from its conditions to become something it was meant to be. It is perfect love that drives out fear, for the recipient can rest assured that no matter their faults love will abound.

(At the same time real love doesn't mean making sure someone is always comfortable. Pain and discomfort are part of growth. If we believe loving someone is about fostering their growth and if we shield someone from all pain or discomfort, we do not love them. So let us not confuse loving someone with blindly making them comfortable, satisfying their desires, and shielding them from trials. If we do, we are only making it difficult for them to grow as human beings.)

Most of us have received little, if any, real Love. We prove that every day with the evidence of our unhappiness - our fear, anger, blaming, withdrawal, manipulation, controlling, and so on. People who know they're unconditionally loved don't feel and do those things. There is no fear, manipulation, conditions, or records of wrongs when real love is being given. True love is always and forever unconditional. Real love always hopes, always trusts, and always preservers. It does not boast. It is not easily angered. It rejoices in the truth. And it is never self-seeking. There is divine beauty in a relationship built on this kind of love reciprocated between two people.

- N.Ganeshan

CHANGE

Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find peace in our life. Change is the law of life. When we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer. The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mood of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form. Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot accept change cannot change anything. Christian Larsen explains the importance of change beautifully. Read and think.....

- N.Ganeshan

CHANGE

The greatest remedy in the world is change; and change implies the passing from the old to the new. It is also the only path that leads from the lesser to the greater, from the dream to the reality, from the wish to the heart's desire fulfilled.

It is change that brings us everything we want. It is the opposite of change that holds us back from that which we want. But change is not always external. Real change, or rather the cause of all change, is always internal.

It is the change in the within that first produces the change in the without. To go from place to place is not a change unless it produces a change of mind a renewal of mind.

It is the change of mind that is the change desired. It is the renewal of mind that produces better health, more happiness, greater power, the increase of life, and the consequent increase of all that is good in life. And the constant renewal of mind -- the daily change of mind -- is possible regardless of times, circumstances or places.

He who can change his mind every day and think the new about everything every day, will always be well; he will always have happiness; he will always be free; his life will always be interesting; he will constantly move forward into the larger, the richer and the better; and whatever is needed for his welfare today, of that he shall surely have abundance.

- Christian Larson

The Law of Giving

Give to receive. If you don't give, you will not receive. Whatever you give you will receive it manifold. Everything given comes back to with interest accrued. This is a natural law. Deepak Chopra explains it very beautifully. Read, understand and start giving....

N.Ganeshan

The Law of Giving

In every seed is the promise of thousands of forests. But the seed must not be hoarded; it must give its intelligence to the fertile ground. Through its giving, its unseen energy flows into material manifestation.

The more you give, the more you will receive, because you will keep the abundance of the universe circulating in your life. In fact, anything that is of value in life only multiplies when it is given. That which doesn’t multiply through giving is neither worth giving nor worth receiving. If, through the act of giving, you feel you have lost something, then the gift is not truly given and will not cause increase. If you give grudgingly, there is no energy behind that giving.

It is the intention behind your giving and receiving that is the most important thing. The intention should always be to create happiness for the giver and receiver, because happiness is life-supporting and life-sustaining and therefore generates increase. The return is directly proportional to the giving when it is unconditional and from the heart. That is why the act of giving has to be joyful - the frame of mind has to be one in which you feel joy in the very act of giving. Then the energy behind the giving increases many times over.

Practicing the Law of Giving is actually very simple: if you want joy, give joy to others; if you want love, learn to give love; if you want attention and appreciation, learn to give attention and appreciation; if you want material affluence, help others to become materially affluent. In fact, the easiest way to get what you want is to help others get what they want. This principle works equally well for individuals, corporations, societies, and nations. If you want to be blessed with all the good things in life, learn to silently bless everyone with all the good things in life.

The best way to put the Law of Giving into operation - to start the whole process of circulation - is to make a decision that any time you come into contact with anyone, you will give them something. It doesn’t have to be in the form of material things; it could be a flower, a compliment, or a prayer. In fact, the most powerful forms of giving are non-material. The gifts of caring, attention, affection, appreciation, and love are some of the most precious gifts you can give, and they don’t cost you anything.

When you meet someone, you can silently send them a blessing, wishing them happiness, joy, and laughter. This kind of silent giving is very powerful.

One of the things I was taught as a child, and which I taught my children also, is never to go to anyone’s house without bringing something, never visit anyone without bringing them a gift. You may say, “How can I give to others when at the moment I don’t have enough myself?”

You can bring a flower. One flower. You can bring a note or a card which says something about your feelings for the person you’re visiting. You can bring a compliment. You can bring a prayer.

Make a decision to give wherever you go, to whomever you see. As long as you’re giving, you will be receiving. The more you give, the more confidence you will gain in the miraculous effects of this law. And as you receive more, your ability to give more will also increase.

- Deepak Chopra

God’s help and our part

Master and disciple are walking through the deserts of Arabia. The Master uses each moment of the journey to teach his disciple about faith.

“Entrust your things to God,” he said. “Because He never abandons His children.”

When they camped down at night, the Master asked the disciple to tie the horses to a nearby rock. The disciple went over to the rock, but then remembered what he had learned that afternoon. “The Master must be testing me. The truth is that I should entrust the horses to God." And he left the horses loose.

In the morning he discovered that the animals had run off. Indignant, he sought out the Master.

“You know nothing about God! Yesterday I learned that I should trust blindly in Providence, so I gave the horses to Him to guard, and the animals have disappeared!”

“God wanted to look after the horses,” answered the Master. “But at that moment he needed your hands to tie them up and you did not lend them to Him.”

Very often we are like the disciple. We entrust the work to God and believe Him to do it. But we forget our part in the deal. Mere belief in God is not enough if we are not doing our part. Let us believe in God and let us do our part of work. God will be with us in each step and with the help of God we will be able to achieve our goal successfully.

- N.GANESHAN

To A Young Man:

We limit ourselves by our limited thinking. We define ourselves as unworthy and when our definition becomes true we lose our heart. We think great people are special ones. We don’t think ourselves as special. So we remain mediocre in our life. In this beautiful poem Edgar A. Guest reminds us that the great people were once like us and he goes on explaining how they rose to greatness. Read and realize your real worth – your real greatness.

- N.Ganeshan


To A Young Man:

The great were once as you.
They whom men magnify to-day
Once groped and blundered on life's way,
Were fearful of themselves, and thought
By magic was men's greatness wrought.
They feared to try what they could do;
Yet Fame hath crowned with her success
The selfsame gifts that you possess.

The great were young as you,
Dreaming the very dreams you hold,
Longing yet fearing to be bold,
Doubting that they themselves possessed
The strength and skill for every test,
Uncertain of the truths they knew,
Not sure that they could stand to fate
With all the courage of the great.

Then came a day when they
Their first bold venture made,
Scorning to cry for aid.
They dared to stand to fight alone,
Took up the gauntlet life had thrown,
Charged full-front to the fray,
Mastered their fear of self, and then,
Learned that our great men are but men.

Oh, youth, go forth and do!
You, too, to fame may rise;
You can be strong and wise.
Stand up to life and play the man--
You can if you'll but think you can;
The great were once as you.
You envy them their proud success?
'Twas won with gifts that you possess.

- Edgar A. Guest