Tuesday, October 11, 2011


Whether it is a fleeting annoyance or it is a full-fledged rage, anger is a completely normal human emotion. Learning to control your anger and express it appropriately will help you build better relationships, achieve your goals, and lead a healthier, more satisfying life. Anger becomes a problem when it goes out of your control.


You may think that external things like the insensitive actions of other people or frustrating situations cause your anger. But anger is less to do with what happens to you than how you interpret and think about what happened. Common wrong thinking patterns trigger and fuel anger. Let us see some of them-

Blaming: When anything bad happens or something goes wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault. You blame others for the things that happen to you rather than taking responsibility for your own life.

Rigid views: Having a rigid view of the way things should or must be and getting angry when reality doesn’t line up with this vision.

Wrong assumptions: Assuming you “know” what someone else is thinking or feeling—that he or she intentionally upset you, ignored your wishes, or disrespected you.

Collecting straws: Looking for things to get upset about, usually while overlooking or blowing past anything positive. Letting these small irritations build and build until you reach the “final straw” and explode, often over something relatively minor.

Low tolerance: People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.

Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.


Chronic, explosive anger has serious consequences for your relationships, your health, your career and your state of mind.

Chronic anger causes lasting scars in the people you love most and gets in the way of your friendships and work relationships. Chronic, intense anger makes it hard for others to speak honestly, or feel comfortable, because they never know what is going to set you off or what you will do.

When you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and non adrenaline. So regularly feeling chronic anger makes you more susceptible to heart disease, diabetes, high cholesterol levels, a weakened immune system, insomnia, and high blood pressure.

Frequent lashing out naturally alienates your colleagues, supervisors, or clients and erodes their respect. What’s more, a bad reputation can follow you wherever you go, making it harder and harder to get ahead.

Chronic anger consumes huge amounts of mental energy and clouds your thinking, making it harder to concentrate, see the bigger picture, and enjoy life. It can also lead to stress, depression, and other mental health problems.

Managing anger is one of the greatest tasks in this world. Usually you either express anger or suppress anger. Unless you understand your anger and have full control of it, both ways can create many problems in your life.

Angry words, once spoken out without control, will have bigger vibration result than you can imagine. What you get is only the more things that make you feel more angry. Ambrose Bierce, said aptly in his “The Devil’s Dictionary”, “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret”.

If anger is not allowed outward expression, it can turn inward and become more harmful. Unexpressed anger can create other problems like hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression. Suppressed anger makes one perpetually cynical and hostile. Sometimes it makes one to withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.

The third way is to control and manage anger constructively.

You can not get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions. One of the great things about human existence is our ability to interject something between stimulus and response. Thus, no one can really "make you mad;" you choose in each instance to become angry. So if you are choosing anger, then you also have the ability to choose another response. You can express anger in healthy and constructive ways.

Experts say that you can manage anger anytime.

You can manage anger before it even shows in
You can manage anger when you are angry
You can manage anger even after your expressing anger

Managing anger before it ever appears

Manage your anger before it manages you. This is the ‘prevention is better than cure’ approach. This is actually the best time for anger management.

First understand the root cause of anger in general and of your anger and anger patterns in particular. Mostly you get angry for two main reasons. You become angry because something or someone has done something against your expectations. Or if your ego is hurt you may become angry.

Both are senseless. Can you always rise to the level of your expectation? The honest answer would be “NO”. Then why should you get angry when someone is not acting according to your expectation. Understand that ego itself is a disease. Dissolve your ego as far as possible. Regular relaxation, meditation, simplicity, loving yourself and others, sense of humour and understanding human behaviour will help you a lot in this regard.

Managing anger when you are angry
This is the most difficult stage to manage because you are the person who is angry and you are the person who is to manage yourself.

When you recognize that you are angry withdraw yourself from the situation to avoid irreparable or irreversible damage to self, others, relationships, and the environment. Just stop doing what you have been doing. Walk around or sit calmly for a few minutes. If possible, divert your attention to something else that can relax you, like humorous films and calming music.

As far as possible do not swear to yourself or shout like: ‘ I will teach you/him/her a lesson. I will show you/him/her’ etc. This will act as a program and will be stored in your mind as negative energy. Mind will tend to act towards actualizing it.

Get into the company of persons you love or who love you and understand you. Read inspirational and soothing books.

Managing anger after the incident

Though the damage is done, still you can do something to repair the damage. Apologize if it is appropriate. Do something to recharge your relationship with the persons affected by your temper. If you have disturbed the environment by throwing something, or destroying something, take time to reinstate them as far as possible.

Practice relaxation, meditation or any releasing technique so that all pending stress energy is either released or dissolved without disturbing yourself, others or the environment.
Analyze and find out the root cause of your anger. If you had foolish expectations from others come out of them. Learn the lessons from the angry incidents and make sure that they would not be repeated.

From time to time remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything. It won't make you feel better and it may actually make you feel worse. Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use pure sensible logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the people are "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it will help you get a more balanced perspective.


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