Monday, August 10, 2015


(Humourous Article) 

Shiva became a wise philosopher after his marriage. Now He understands so many things about marriage, wife, kids and life. He understands that marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband. He understands that the husband is the head of the family and wife is the neck of the family.  Because the Neck can turn the Head exactly the way it wants. 

He understands inner meaning of some words his wife uses. “Fine” is the word she uses to end an argument when she feels that she is right and he needs to shut up. “Five Minutes” means one hour when she is getting dressed.  “Nothing” is the calm before the storm. It means something dangerous and he should be on his toes. When she says, “Do what you want” it means “You'll pay for this later” When she asks, “Do you love me?” it means, “I'm going to ask for something expensive” 

Actually he had retained his freedom of speech till the end of first year of his marriage. In the first year she was very submissive. So when she asked one day, "What's on the TV?”, he could say the truth "Dust!". When she pointed out one day, “Our new neighbour always kisses his wife when he goes to work, why don't you do that?” he wondered, “How can I? I don't even know her”. 

One day she was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told him, “I just dreamed that you gave me a gold necklace for my birth day. What do you think it means?”

“You’ll know today evening.” he said. 

That evening, he came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it–only to find a book entitled “The meaning of dreams”. 

After they brought their first baby home she suggested that he should try his hand at changing the baby’s diapers.  

"I’m busy," Shiva said, "I’ll do the next one." 

The next time soon came around and she asked again. 

Shiva looked puzzled, "Oh! I didn’t mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby!” She burst out finally and didn’t speak for days. And she made him to change diapers whenever he is in home.

At the time of their silent treatment he needed the assistance of his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business trip. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence and lose his self-respect, he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, Shiva woke up, only to discover it was 8:00 AM and he had missed his train. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM, Wake up."

Next week they drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word with each other. As they passed a few donkeys he asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?” 

“Yes,” she replied, “In-laws.” 

After that incident she became bolder. She told her sister when he was reading newspaper nearby, "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?"

Another day he overheard her saying to her close friend,” He doesn’t like my cooking. He doesn’t like my cleaning. He doesn’t like my washing. He says that I am not doing that all like his mother.  I can do only one thing like his mother, I think. I can slap him hard like his mother used to do in his childhood”   

That decided the rest of his married life. Finally he understood that he was no match to her. He became the most obedient husband in this world. 

When she was not around him he would say to any listening ears, “Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence… … Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings" - engagement ring, wedding ring, suffe-ring and endu-ring… Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished…

“If you love something, set it free.  If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours.  If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.  If it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, you married it”

When someone asked him “Which is better-Love marriage or arranged marriage?” he replied, “It’s like asking if suicide is better or being murdered.”

But when she was with him, his part of the entire conversation with her would be very simple -“Uh-huh" or "Yes dear" or "I'm sorry".

(Got prize for this humorous article in Vijaya Vikas)

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