Friday, January 1, 2010

NEVER BE TRAPPED


Derek Lin, a great Tao writer, used to tell a story of a donkey-

Once upon a time in ancient China, the people at a village received orders from the regional governor to build a shrine for the emperor. If they could meet the deadline, the governor would reward them handsomely.

The chosen location for the shrine had a well, so they needed to fill it up before construction could take place. They brought in a donkey to transport piles of sand and mud for that purpose.

An accident occurred. The donkey got too close to the exposed well, lost his footing and fell into it. The villagers tried to lift him out but could not. After many failed attempts, they realized it would take too long to rescue him.

Keeping the deadline in mind, the villagers decided to sacrifice the donkey. They proceeded to shovel the sand and mud into the well, thinking they had no choice but to bury him alive.

When the donkey realized what they were doing, he began to wail pitifully. The villagers heard him but ignored him. The value of the donkey wasn't much compared to the rewards they would get, so they continued to shovel.

After a while, the wailing stopped. The villagers wondered about this. Was the donkey dead already? Or did he just give up? What was going on?

Curious, they looked in the well. A surprising sight greeted them: The donkey was alive and well. When the mud and sand rained down on him, he shrugged them off, and then stamped around until they were tightly packed below him. This formed solid ground that lifted him a bit higher each time. Eventually, the donkey got high enough inside the well. With one powerful leap, he jumped out of it. Amazed, the villagers watched as he trotted off with his head held high.

Aren't we just like the donkey in the well sometimes? We all have days when we feel as if we are trapped. We can't get out, and there seems to be a never-ending stream of sand and mud raining down on us.

According to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, when we have a grief issue to deal with, we tend to go through four stages. In the first stage, we deny the event; second, we bargain to have the situation changed; next, we become very mad, sad, and scared; and, finally, we reconcile to the event and experience forgiveness and gratitude. Grieving is a necessary and important event that will reoccur for each and every one of us throughout our lives. If we take responsibility and deal with the feeling, then we will not be dragging it along and plugging up our capacity for joy.

When we encounter adversity, our first impulse may be to complain. We ask ourselves questions like "Why does stuff like this always happen to me?" or "What have I done to deserve this?"

Just like the wailing of the donkey, our grievances have no effect whatsoever. The sand and mud continue to fall. Expressing outrage and feeling sorry for ourselves do not change anything.

In the story, the donkey came to the realization that his wailing was futile. In real life, many of us are not quite as intelligent. Even though we know it won't do any good, we still cry over spilt milk and wallow in bitterness.

This can become a repeating pattern of frustration followed by complaints followed by more frustration and more complaints. When we fall into this pattern, we cannot be at our best. The cycle of negativity prevents our mental state from being resourceful.

One way to break out of this pattern is to realize that we ourselves had a hand in authoring our fate – the good as well as the bad. Notice how the donkey was the one who carried the sand and mud next to the well. Whether he realized it or not, there was a note of irony in that he initiated the problem he complained about later.

Remember the old saying that bars do not make a prison. The prison is created by mental attitudes, not situations or the environment.

Do not be tricked into thinking human happiness is externally caused and that you possess little or no ability to control your sorrows and tensions. Although our problems in life cannot always be eradicated, our attitudes about problems can be changed.

The difference between a tragedy that emotionally cripples one individual and a similar tragedy that another person adequately continues to cope with life in spite of is simply a difference in mental outlook, mindset, or attitude. Avoid converting problems into worries.

According to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, when we have a grief issue to deal with, we tend to go through four stages. In the first stage, we deny the event; second, we bargain to have the situation changed; next, we become very mad, sad, and scared; and, finally, we reconcile to the event and experience forgiveness and gratitude. Grieving is a necessary and important event that will reoccur for each and every one of us throughout our lives. If we take responsibility and deal with the feeling, then we will not be dragging it along and plugging up our capacity for joy.

Therefore, the question we really should ask isn't "What have I done to deserve this?" Rather, it is "What can I learn from this?"

Once we break out of the complaining mode, we must then come to the realization that there is value in everything – even things we normally consider "bad." No matter what happens, there is always something we can learn from it. There is always some way for us to turn it from something negative to something positive. 

Next, we deal with the adversity itself. We need to be able to shrug it off just as the donkey shrugged mud and sand off his body. To shrug it off doesn't mean pretending it never occurred. We recognize and acknowledged the event – with the crucial distinction that we do not see it as a personal affront.

The villagers continued to shovel mud and sand for their own reasons, not because they hated the donkey. Similarly, when something bad happens to us, it isn't because the universe has something against us. It is not an attack and it is not personal. We then make use of negativity. The donkey used the mud and sand as building blocks. In the same way, we can use a negative event as the raw material to increase or enhance our spiritual cultivation.

When we look at it from this perspective, we quickly realize that there isn't anything we cannot use in some way. We can even say that everything that happens can be "good" because we can make it serve us in some capacity. No matter what kind of sand or mud is falling on us, we can step on it and use it to elevate us a little higher.

The more we do this, the better we get at it. Each negative event that occurs becomes just another helpful stepping stone. Every adversity moves us up, until we rise to the level of the Tao sages, who are known for their ability to handle anything with calmness and composure. Now we begin to understand their secret!

Just like the donkey jumping out of the well, we will be able to transcend beyond the mud and sand. Negativity and adversity no longer have any power over us and may as well not exist. The prison of bitter complaints disappears below us as we make the leap. We are no longer trapped in the well!


N.GANESHAN

2 comments:

  1. Although our problems in life cannot always be eradicated, our attitudes about problems can be changed-GANESH, CONTINUE YOUR ENGLISH BLOG
    YOUR ARTICLE SURELY WILL SHED LIGHT
    INTO THOSE WHO READ WHEN IN AT THE POINT
    OF NO RETURN
    \\mohan

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